(Artist rendition of Thursday night’s game) (Philadelphia, PA) In a surprising move to help the Flyers win the next 3 straight games, Paul Holmgren has signed Jesus Christ to an entry level contract. The deal, which terms are still unknown, comes at a crucial time for the Philadelphia Flyers, who find themselves down three games to one in a best of seven series. “With the way that Flower kid stopped all our shots, they must be using the dark arts…” General Manager Paul Holmgren stated at today’s press conference. “We all know they tongue Bettman’s balls, yet this type of performance(Tuesday night), well it just screams to me that Lucifer is helping them, so we need to counteract this.” Jesus, who has had quite a season, has amassed 1.5 billion points and 0 penalty minutes in 40 games playing on the Galilee Gunners

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