After only one night at Team Canada’s Olympic Summer Camp Simon Gagne was using the camp’s only pay phone to call his parents and ask them to come pick him up. He had originally approached counselor Mike Babcock saying that he thought he’d strained his groin and might need to leave camp, but later admitted to the nurse that he was suffering from a pretty serious case of homesickness. The nurse reported that the night before a camper (who will go unnamed except to say that it was probably Dion Phaneuf) was telling sexual ghost stories where ghosts and guys with hooks on their hands not only haunt their victims but feel up slutty girls and cause premature ejaculations until 2 in the morning. Point of clarification: he was telling those stories until 2AM, people were not ejaculating until 2AM.

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