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(WASHINGTON D.C.) Today, during an impromptu national address, President Obama initiated what he called the “Americanization of Switzerland Act” into law. Obama sidestepped both the House and Senate and appeared to ratify the bill by his lonesome this morning, following a quick glance at the Men’s Olympic Hockey schedule for today. “Look, our young, upstart boys are coming off a big win against Canada. Some of my opponents believe this to be a trap game. Well, we as a nation, we cannot be trapped, nor defeated, nor embarrassed by the Swiss! That is why I have passed this Act today. ” Obama outlined his plan which, if effective, should be initiated in every neighborhood, city and state by 3pm EST. Below are some of the key points to the new Act: – Replace “Swiss” with the word “Freedom” for all Swiss made products. This will lead to such new items as Freedom Army knives, Freedom Miss and Freedom Cheese.

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